From Marina Woodall

The lights were super bright in this Chinese restaurant; so I had the manager Dim Sum!

Time flies like an arrow...... but fruit flies like .. a banana!

Whats the only way to wake up a sleeping Gaga?  You poker face!

Two Fish were in a tank.  "You man the guns, I'll drive"!

How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

But you need an expert medical team to remove it afterwards!

Whats the difference between....

A Woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a Terriorist!

(From Antony Lamb)

"Last night....

I watched this documentary on how ships are built...."

'Oh yeah'

"It was riveting"!

My Wife....

She came up to me the other day you see and quietly she said

"I want you to whisper something dirty things in my ear"

So I leaned over and in a low voice I said:

"The kitchen, the bedroom and the bathroom"!

Knock Knock...

Who's there?

 Britney Spears...

Britney Spears who?

Knock knock..

Who's there???

Britney Spears....

Britney Spears who?????

Oops I did it again!!

Why can't girls play football?

Because theres no way they'd be seen in the same outfit as 10 others!

What did the Hat say to the Scarf?

You hang around, and I'll go on ahead!

(from Sabine Eckle)

One from Movember

"I moustache you a question"

'what?'

"Nothing - I will shave it for later"!

(From Marina Woodall)

Why couldn't the pirate play poker? (from Marina Woodall)

Because he was sitting on the deck!  Argh argh argh argh

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Better get dressed up - that handsome doctor is taking us out tonight!